Back to school

Today is the first day of school in Kansas City, but I am in Guadalajara, halfway through a four-week course to teach English in foreign countries. Right now I'm crying because (and I'd never thought I'd say this) I'd rather be in Missouri than in Mexico.

I don't wanna worry about nothing for awhile

Into my second week of funemployment and I'm bored as fuck. Send help.

Listening to Lou Reed as though his drug-addled conciousness will help me make life decisions

The best plan I can come up with presently is moving to Mexico City and teaching English and maybe getting into a little bit of the good kind of trouble.

In all seriousness? my friend asks me.

In some seriousness I reply.

Dazed and confused

Last week I had a meeting with my principal where I made an ultimatum: stay with my students in the 4th grade, or leave.

Well, I'm leaving now.

I had really not banked on this. I had invested a lot of hope and excitement into staying in Kansas City for just another year to be with these kids, but now it isn't happening. I also did not make any plans for moving or switching jobs. So my life is basically a mess right now and I am freaking out so I'll probably just move to Mexico and sit on a beach and sell handmade bracelets until I stop having a panic attack.

I'm also going to miss those cuties, because they are SO DAMN CUTE. Ugh. I'm crying already.

I hate libertarianism

So this is a bit out of left field considering I normally use this blog to post videos about The X Files and complain about my job and tell stories about the weird things students say to me. But I just want everyone to know this.

Libertarians are terrible people. They only give a shit about amassing and protecting their own wealth. They put the right to property of a few over the right of many to live decently. They complain about the government trampling on their right to have more money when there are children living through painful, unnecessary, grinding poverty who will never have any property to protect. To a libertarian, your only value is the things you own. If you own nothing, you are worth nothing. Libertarianism prioritizes a political theory written by a privileged, propertied white man from hundreds of years ago over the very real need and suffering of millions of people. So fuck you if you claim to be a libertarian.

That's all.

You guys

I'm really obsessed with The X Files right now. Also, David Duchonvy, obviously. Like, what was I doing with my life in 1994? (Wasting my time, clearly.*)

*Also I was 4 years old.

We're gonna make it to the beach on time

How do people live in places besides California? I can't even comprehend.

If you close your eyes does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

Coming back home is never quite the same once your friends have moved away from their parents' houses down the street to their own grown-up houses. I still come back to town like I did in college, staying in my old bedroom. But everyone else is gone and they don't have a winter break anymore.

Such a California girl

The only church I need is running along the beach on Sunday morning, then hearing this song on the radio. Fucking spiritual.

I'm dreaming of a sunny, 75˚ Christmas

So it's almost time for winter break, somehow. This semester has been amazing and I think I am more committed to becoming a better teacher than I was this time last year. And I love these amazing little beans and their beautiful, bright faces. But at the same time, I AM SO READY FOR A BREAK, SOME OF THESE KIDS AND THEIR SHIT, I SWEAR.

Also, I am not digging the cold weather. I hate driving with ice on the roads. Like, Missouri, can you get your shit together and salt the roads? Jesus fucking christ.

So let's make things physical

All I dream of lately is how to get you underneath me

I am so into this song right now, it's ridiculous. I need to stop listening to sexy music. IT'S JUST FRUSTRATING.

Lethargy

I have been completely lazy this week. After school, I've just gotten home and sat on my couch. No planning, no grading, no getting shit done. I FEEL SO TIRED. I have so much to do. Ugh. Fuck rainstorms. Fuck Halloween. Fuck doing anything but sleeping. I am so tired.

Some nights

Just spent all day watch Don't Trust the B-- in Apt 23 (which is hilarious; James van der Beek as himself is a work of art). Then fell asleep on my couch. That's what happens when you go to jazz clubs 'til 3 am then have to get up at 8:30 to coach a soccer game. Today is just one of those days where you eat a lot of food and listen to Kate Nash and evaluate how being alone/lonely makes you a stronger person.

Secret confessions

#1: I am seriously thinking about moving to Mexico City next year with my friend Evelyn.

#2: I would seriously consider staying in Kansas City another year to loop with my students (a.k.a. teach them for another year).

#3: I am still crushin' on an old crush from college and really want to move back to Oakland.

#4: Or maybe I should just run away to Italy and live a charming, romantic, most-likely-impossible European existence.

You know, focused and ambitious. Whatever.

It's a new art form: showing people how little we care

We're so happy even when we're smiling out of fear
Let's go down to the tennis court and talk it out like yeah

Um, where did September go? When did I discover that I absolutely love 3rd graders? How did I get here? And why are you in my apartment?

Things I Have to Remind Myself Constantly

• buying new clothes might make you happy but it doesn’t make you less lonely
• it’s okay to do things by yourself
• it’s okay to be sad
• it’s okay to see a movie alone and cry (at the movie, not because you are alone)
• (although it would be okay to cry because you are alone too)

Day at a time, I suppose

Can we all just take a second and remember how fucking amazing Omar from The Wire is? He is the sickest at laying the smack down. Also, his tie looks hella dope.

I die a little

It's August already, and I am back in Kansas City. I do not like it one bit.

Entonces quiero que me llames enamorado

Entonces quiero que me llames enamorado 

Tierno, suave, también puedes decirme cariño, ángel 

Mejor llamáme deseo, papito, chongo, caballo, hipogrifo y delirante 

Llamáme loco, fresco, tímido, discreto, atento y caballero 

Llamáme primero 

Porque no probás con anunciarte 

Llamáme a gritos con calentura 

Diciéndome sexy en egipcio 

Llamáme amigo, común, elegido, regalo 

Llamáme para inventar caprichos 

Llamáme con nombres falsos

Do I wanna know?

I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
'Cause there's this song I've found that makes me think of you somehow
And I play it on repeat til I fall asleep