Can't read my

I hate the song "Poker Face", but I have to admit that swing dancing to "Poker Face" is a lot of fun.

So is swing dancing to "Single Ladies". But not so much fun is drunk people who can't dance at all trying to dance with you. The perils of being out on Lower Sproul with loud music at 1 a.m., I suppose.

We live in a classy neighborhood, part 1

I was all dressed up, walking back from a formal interview, when some guy wolf-whistled at me. And in that moment, I realised, Hey! That's the first time that's happened since I got back from Mexico!


With a capital K.

Questionable morals?

I'm sitting on a computer at the library, and people keep sitting down at the computer next to me, which is frozen. Instead of telling them this before they sit down, I let them find out for themselves. And I'm kinda making a game in my head of who takes the longest to realise this after they sit down. The girl who unbuttoned her jacket and got all settled in is winning.

I think I'm kinda a bad person.

I chase my tequila with beer

"Aleesha," I say, after I've had a bit but clearly not enough to drink, "Why is it that even when I'm drunk I still have enough inhibitions not to do anything really stupid?"

"I don't know, darling," Aleesha says. "But I'm the same way."


I need to be less inhibited. That would surely not solve all my problems.


Also, you know it's a Berkeley party where people are dancing to crunk while some other people are talking about the influence of philosophy of physics proofs. No, really.

Playing the game

I was watching clips of Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe on YouTube, and during one of his many deconstructions of reality TV, I remembered one of the reality programs I realised just why one of the reality shows I had seen in Mexico was so weird: because unlike British or American 'reality' TV, they not only acknowledged by embraced the fact that they were playing The Game. What does 'playing The Game' mean? Let me explain.

We all know reality TV is not reality. We all know that if the people on it aren't paid actors, the can still be directed and if not directed, then editing can completely change what happened. We know that no one is actually trying to find love; they just want their overly-made-up, stupid face on TV so they can ignore all their latent trust issues and just be famous for fifteen minutes. People may not acknowledge it, but they know it.

So this show in Mexico, it's called Yo Quiero Enamorarse (I want to fall in love). The format alone is really strange and confusing and the show itself last for about four hours every time that it's on, which I really don't get, but basically it's got a group of people of one sex trying to vie for the attention of someone of the opposite sex.

One episode, the girl who has all these guys competing for her, goes on a boat date with one of the guys. And for each date, the guys are given a secret challenge. This particular challenge was to 'steal a kiss'. And this one dude did it, of course, in the most awkward way possible, and you could tell how awkward it was because the poor girl made no attempts to hide how uncomfortable she was. When the judges later asked her why she was so bothered, she meekly answered that she felt like he was kissing her to win the challenge and not because he wanted to.

I thought, Wow, a genuine, real person on reality television? What is this demonry?

But one of the judges reprimanded her, saying This is a reality show and if you can't handle that then why are you here?

And that's it: this show didn't just have everyone pretend like they were taking it seriously as a competition for a real relationship. They basically were willing to come out and say, Yeah, this is fake. But you knew that when you signed the contract, so deal with it.

Which in the realm of 'reality', might be the 'realest' thing I've ever seen.

If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes

"Hana," I said, "you're going to think I'm really dorky for saying this, but I think James Watson is really cute."

"Who's James Wat--wait, like Watson and Crick Watson?"

"Yeah."

"You are such a dork."

Don't I know it.

James Watson pictured on the right.

How to lose a guy in ten days (or maybe fewer)

On Thursday afternoon, we were just sitting outside our apartment, chilling, painting a cabinet (or, in Hana's case, painting a picture of Jesus) when we heard this scream. And not just any normal scream, but a scream like I've never heard before, like a weird combination of a dying animal and some poor soul who's just been told off by Simon Cowell in their American Idol audition. Seriously, we thought this poor girl was being attacked. We listened some more, and it became apparent that she was just sobbing, well, more screaming than sobbing, but that she was not in any immediate danger. So we didn't, you know, call the police.

Then this girl starts to yell. And I really do mean yell. Because she's in the apartment above us (we think), but all the doors and windows are closed and we're outside but we can still hear her, clear as daylight, going off about how she's trying to talk to 'him' and he's just picking his nose (I KNOW). And this goes on, intermittently, for hours. It gets dark, and eventually she called him or he magically appeared in her apartment without us seeing him come into the building and she accuses him of lying and 'studying with that girl' and we're just sitting down there thinking, Whoa, girl, you need to get a grip. And then maybe dump this guy that's causing you so much distress.

Because we all know the healthiest behaviour is to scream about your crazy emotional insecurities for your whole apartment building to hear, right?