Monday, November 26, 2012

Melancholy

Para dar un alivio a estas penas,
que me parten la frente y el alma,
me he quedado mirando a la luna,
a través de las finas acacias.
 
En la luna hay algo que sufre,
entre un nimbo divino de plata:
hay algo que besa los ojos
y que seca, llorando, las lágrimas.
 
Yo no se lo que tiene la luna,
que acaricia, que duerme y que calma,
y que mira en silencio al rendido,
con inmensas piedades de santa.
 
Y esta noche, que sufro y que pienso
libertar de esta carne a mi alma,
me he quedado mirando a la luna,
a través de las finas acacias.
 
Juan Ramón Jiménez

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Saddest thing

Jill and I went to Waffle House yesterday. Jesus christ if that isn't the most god-forsaken restaurant on the planet.

I am sad that I left Cincinnati. I hate going back to real life. My real life sucks.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Ohio/Kentucky

Two more states crossed off! That brings my total to... 11. Only 39 more to go.

I am here in Cincinnati to do Thanksgiving with my friend Jill, who I studied in Mexico with. Her neighborhood is so fucking cute. Very San Francisco-y. Point in case: I'm at this cafe, and these people next to me are clearly having a business meeting (yep, at a cafe, at 1 pm, on a Wednesday) and they are talking about how it's important to show that their product/service/made-up religion is "structually committed to authenticity" and offers "cultural insights" and is "new but experienced (fresh w/ firepower)". CRAZY, NEW-AGE, SOCIAL MEDIA SYNERGY DOUBLE SPEAK DOESN'T GET ANY MORE SF/SILICON VALLEY-ISH THAN THAT.

Oh shit, some girl just called something "an online experience" but then said it was "too soon in the relationship to do that". Jesus fucking Christ.

Maybe I'll go for a run soon. It's really nice out. I never thought I'd be like, wow, 55 degrees is beautiful weather! But it is. My life has been taking the strangest turns lately.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Updating

It's hard for me to update now. I only ever work and then come home and work some more. I rarely go out with friends. I think this is the third (fourth?) week in a row that I've stayed in both Friday and Saturday nights, but I'd rather not count because it makes me depressed. I feel like my roommates and TFA friends all ignore me. No one texts me to ask what I'm up to or if I want to join them for a drink. I don't talk to anyone except people from back home. I would actually rather be in a room of unruly 6th graders because my apartment reminds me of how I have nothing to do but plan lessons when I'm not at school.

People forget to tell you that moving somewhere new isn't all glitz and glamour and adventure; it's loneliness and trying to find new furniture and melancholy and aching for home. But it's also weird, because home isn't home anymore; supposedly I live here now. I feel like my mind is definitely not in the same place as my body. I feel like I don't live anywhere.