Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Also listen to the this song because while it would be the most condescending break-up call ever, it's a good song!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Although I still have a thesis and probably Spanish exams. Ehhhh.
Also, yesterday I found out that Alma Guillermoprieto is teaching a four-week course on the history of Mexico, El Salvador, and Colombia and the difficulties of reporting there. I am hoping so hard to get into this class. Alma Guillermoprieto is, like, my lady hero. She is amazing. I could be studying with her! Ahhhh!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
But no, instead my mother just tells me, "You know I'd always like to see you more, but it's really up to you."
Oh, the perils of your parents actually trusting your judgement! I just want her to make my difficult decisions for me so I don't have to! Instead, she has done such a good job raising me that she actually thinks that I am a responsible adult and should be allowed to do what I think is best. What the fuck is that? I am 21 years old! I don't know anything! I don't even trust my own judgement! Why do you allow me to make decisions?
Growing up is scary.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
But no matter. I have take one extra strength Tylenol and two Advil liquid gels. The fever is down; my body feels like it is at a normal temperature. I am going to crank this shit out.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanks for the encouragement! I probably will get fat though; Kansas City is famous for barbeque.
Monday, November 21, 2011
I accepted my Teach for America offer. It was a bit of an impulse decision, as I made it 10 minutes before I had to leave for class this morning. But according to Stephen Fry, you make better decisions under pressure or when you're hurrying or have to pee or something, because you're snap decisions reveal what your instincts are really telling you to do. Or something. Whatever. I'm moving to Kansas City.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Plus, I'm not absolutely convinced that Teach for America is the best solution to the problem of education inequality. I know that while living in poverty and coming from an uneducated or unstable family are highly influential in how well a child does in school, the quality of the teacher is a variable that is very important and effective, plus it's a factor that is much easier to control than every student's background or financial circumstances. I fully understand TFA's mission--that after their two-year commitment, corps members will go on to advocate for and change the educational system through their more prestigious jobs as lawyers or politicians or doctors or financial analysts (I say that last one with more than a hint of sarcasm). But I feel like there's something to be said for trying to find excellent teachers who are permanent, who will be there year after year, so that even though the student might not be in their class, they know they can come to that teacher if they need help in their new classes or if they just want to talk to someone they trust. Even if it's only for seeing the same faces year and year, that is probably enormously comforting if you're living a precariously balanced life where urban violence or financial problems or a whole array of circumstances are making your life outside school as unpredictable as possible.
Plus, what if I don't take this job then can't find another one? What if I go teach English in Korea (a nice, relaxing opportunity full of puppy cafes and a superficial culture that cares too much about head size but will automatically find me beautiful because I'm white) and it's awful? What if I don't even get that job? What if I go off and live in Mexico or Argentina for awhile then decide I'm ready for this emotionally, physically, and intellectually draining commitment and I re-apply but don't get in? Would I be willing to put in the time and money for a traditional Masters and/or credentialing program? Will I even want to teach anymore? Will I feel even more guilty about not at least trying to help close the achievement gap when I had the chance?
This probably sounds like a lot of self-involved, first-world-problems whining, and it is, but I honestly did not expect to make the cut. I was actually sort of hoping I wouldn't so I could avoid having to make this decision, although I don't want to sound pretentious and ungrateful. I am very proud of myself for being accepted and I recognize that I have worked really hard all through college, although this is something that is hard for me to accept because I always view myself as being not as overworked as a I could be (which in my mind translates into, "I am lazy and not that impressive", like I should be some sort of self-sacrificing martyr who has to abuse Ritalin just to stay awake but that is a whole can of worms I shouldn't get into right now). My roommates have told me that the fact that I am deliberating so much is a sign I shouldn't take it, and they're probably right. But I still feel like I have some sort of moral obligation, that I should be working to correct the injustices of the world and I have no right to go and waste my time and potential on enjoying myself.
I have to decide by next Monday, the 21st. If you read all of this you're a fucking boss. I'm sorry if I sound like a dick. All opinions and advice accepted. I'm paralyzed with fear and indecision.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wait, no. I also feel relaxed when I work at the East Bay Sanctuary Covenant, this place that helps immigrants petition for political asylum. I worked there last semester, and now that I have a good idea of how everything functions, when I go in I feel like I know what I'm doing. I'm always doing something, but I don't have to think about all the other shit I have to do and I feel good knowing that I'm helping people who need it. And I feel like I can take on whatever petty problems I have in my own life, because seriously, I have it pretty good.
But right now I have a linguistics midterm and a Spanish presentation tomorrow, plus a shit ton of Teach for America paperwork to fill out by tomorrow night, so I am having what is becoming a weekly Thursday night ritual of drinking coffee and freaking out and procrastinating into the wee hours of the morning.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
It's all part of my resolved to do more fun things this year, because it's my last year here at Berkeley and carpe diem, etc, etc.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
But I couldn't, because it's no longer summer, and I have shit to do.
I assumed the weather today would be more of the same. It wasn't. It was much chillier, and there I was on campus until 8 p.m., in a t-shirt and shorts, shivering slightly and trying not to let the cold get to me as I walked home as quickly as possible.
Monday, September 12, 2011
But it's true. I am busy.
And my downstairs neighbors have started this annoying thing where they play really loud techno music at really odd hours (9 a.m., 1 p.m., 10 p.m.) on weekdays (not even Fridays!) and I find it really infuriating. It makes my floor vibrate. I don't understand how this could possibly be necessary. Are they filming Jersey Shore downstairs and just forgot to tell us?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Today Laura and I went down to Point Fermin and walked down the cliff to the beach. The weather was absolutely beautiful and the sky was so blue and it just made me feel so peaceful and at ease with the world. It's nice to know that despite all the shit in the world, there are still things that are unequivocally gorgeous. And also goes a nice way to proving that Los Angeles is not all disgusting smog and cement. To give you an idea, this is what Point Fermin looks like, although these are definitely not my photos.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Someone write a movie of my life where I actually get what I want.
My life is so hard, first world problems, white whine, etc.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Speaking of Toy Story 3, today at work my co-workers and I were discussing which part of Toy Story 3 is sadder: when the toys accept their fate in the incinerator, or when Andy finally gives Woody away. Then we started deconstructing the role of fate and God and sex and a bunch of other things in the Toy Story series. This is why I fucking love my co-workers. I'm going to miss them. A bunch of them already graduated, so they'll probably be gone after this job is over. Plus, there's this one co-worker who is incredibly tall and lanky and has this raspy voice and always a bit of scruff and he was an Ethnic Studies major so we always talk about racism and feminism and politics and Mexico and he's just so fucking sexy, but he's one of the ones who has already graduated so I'll probably never see him again. Fuuucckkkkkkkkk.
In other news, this is a gorgeous song, sung by a girl who's, like, fourteen and has an absolutely phenomenal voice.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Is it bad that I'm starting to really fucking love Lady Gaga? I dance around to this song in my room and pretend to belt it out into my hair brush.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
But I went and saw Midnight in Paris last night and was very pleased with it. It was all beautiful, fun romanticism and people doing the Charleston. Bernadette and I want to go to Paris now. My friend is studying abroad there this fall; maybe I can stow away in his suitcase.
*I know it was for money, but they tried to put this claim forward, so they'd better fucking substantiate that shit
Thursday, July 7, 2011
*Unless I go to some sort of grad school.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
But what was most interesting, I thought, were the observations they made about the contemporary portrayal. They made great comments about challenging patriarchal authority and pre-conceived social norms and gender roles of the "ideal woman", but also how this rebellion was still framed in comparison to men and was not considered socially acceptable behavior or even behavior to which they aspired.
The portrayal they were analyzing was* Ke$ha's video for "Tik Tok".
These next six weeks are going to be awesome.
*In case you hadn't figured it out from the title
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Kristy and I went to San Francisco for the Pride Parade today. BART was absolutely packed; it was like the bus I used to take home in high school. By the time we got to Powell, Market was packed with people and we couldn't really see the parade, so we wandered towards Civic Center, looking at booths and costume-watching and passing by stages and eventually finding a nice area with good dance music and a nearby Mexican restaurant with really cheap beer. Even though I dropped my camera and now the screen isn't working, it was still amazingly fun. And really, is there more you need in this world besides queers, beer, and dancing?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I also went to yesterday's show at the San Francisco Public Library. No photos or videos, because I forgot the battery in my camera, but it was also amazing, this time because they could actually run and jump around and had the full keyboard and drums. They have such a great rock star energy. They jump and thrash and jump off stage into the audience and interact with everyone in a way that is just unlike most concerts or even smaller gigs. Even though the music isn't really impressive, they make up for it in ~*magic*~
Friday, June 17, 2011
The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal while the natural instincts of women are mostly legal and acceptable. In other words, men are born as round pegs in a society full of square holes.
According to Adams, the "natural instincts" of men are to shag anything that moves and tweet pictures of their junk. I personally think that's a bit insulting to men, as I know many guys who seem to be pretty happy with their lives without taking pictures of their penises and sending them to every woman they know. But maybe he's just referring to the idea of having an active sex drive in general. In which case, stop assuming that women don't have sex drives, you asshole. We do. Women also take pictures of their boobs and text them to people. Not that I'm saying that makes it a necessarily good decision, but it happens. Stop acting like men are the only people who want to have sex and that they're somehow oppressed because it's not socially acceptable to stick your dick in someone every time you get a boner.
All I’m saying is that society has evolved to keep males in a state of continuous unfulfilled urges, more commonly known as unhappiness.
Oh yeah, not getting what you want instantly all the time = unhappiness. The reason you can't always get what you want is OH GOD WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS GROW THE FUCK UP. Even Mick Jagger understands this. Jesus fucking Christ.
Consider Hugh Hefner. He had every benefit of being a single man, and yet he decided he needed to try marriage. Marriage didn’t work out, so he tried the single life again. That didn’t work out, so he planned to get married again, although reportedly the wedding just got called off. For Hef, being single didn’t work, and getting married didn’t work, at least not in the long run. Society didn’t offer him a round hole for his round peg. All it offered were unlimited square holes.
Wait, so if hiring a house full of women to be your harem (I'm not sure if that's actually how it works, but basically he is surrounded by beautiful women all day and I think he has the option to sleep with many of then? I don't know) doesn't count as fulfilling a man's natural instincts (as Scott Adams defines them), and neither does getting married and having one woman that you can constantly have sex with (not that this should be how marriage works, but I'm trying to understand Adams' logic here), then what the fuck? I don't see how this example makes any sort of sense according to the previous argument. What would another option be? If his argument is that society is constricting Hugh Hefner to choose between these two terribly oppressive** lifestyles, isn't his argument invalidated by the fact that Hefner's "single lifestyle" is outside the societal mainstream?
Maybe Adams doesn't get laid
enough ever and therefore is completely miserable all the time, but I think it's acceptable to expect men (and women) to keep their sex drives under a certain amount of control, and also expect that mature adults can find happiness in things other than sex.
**Again, Adams' opinion, not mine
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
But then she asked me if I had been flossing before she started examining my teeth, so I had no choice but to meekly say no and hang my head in shame.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I don't know why I can't figure out something to write about, because interesting things happen to me and I go out with my friends (I just turned 21 and we can go to bars now which is a bit anti-climatic to be honest but whatever) and I generally have a good time. Like just today, the weather was nice (albeit a bit windy), so I went to the park and threw around a frisbee with my friend from high school. Now, that sounds kind of boring, but I feel like I used to be able to find some aspect that was universally amusing and relate it to broader themes about life or happiness or OH GOD I SOUND LIKE AN ENGLISH MAJOR.
I'm going to shut up now.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Oh, wait, they already have a word for that? And not-so-clever t-shirts too? Oh, damn. I guess I'm late to the party. Egg on my face!
Entirely unrelated: there is a boy I like, and I keep telling myself I'm going to ask him out next chance I get. SETTING GOALS IN LIFE, Y'ALL.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Obviously, the whole article is bullshit, but there's one particular paragraph I wanted to pick apart:
The fallout is already being seen. Increasingly, girls show none of the reticence they once did to engage in early sexual relationships with boys.Yeah, god forbid that girls who want to have sex go for it instead of acting like their virginity is the only thing that gives them value as a morally upstanding citizen.
That may be a good thing from the standpoint of gender equality, but it could be a bad thing since there is no longer the same typically “feminine” brake on such behavior.So it has always been (and should always be) up to women to stop such "behavior"? Does that mean men are completely incapable of controlling their baser desires when necessary? How insulting to men. And people try to argue that feminists hate men.
Girls beat up other girls on YouTube.But if it were boys beating up other boys, that would be TOTALLY FINE. Because violence is cool so long as it's to prove your masculinity.
Young men primp and preen until their abdomens are washboards and their hair is perfect.But it's okay if girls primp and preen and have perfect hair, because all women are vapid and shallow.
And while that may seem like no big deal, it will be a very big deal if it turns out that neither gender is very comfortable anymore nurturing children above all else, and neither gender is motivated to rank creating a family above having great sex forever and neither gender is motivated to protect the nation by marching into combat against other men and risking their lives.This just makes so much sense. Because only women can be nurturing enough raise children and only men have enough cojones to go into battle to defend their country. And if people who don't fulfill traditional gender roles will never, ever want to give up having great sex forever to have a family, then why are conservatives so afraid of gay marriage and adoption? (And why does having a family have to mean no more great sex? I mean, I understand that kids can be a bit of a disruption but still.* Also, I think Ablow just implied that people not conforming to gender roles have great sex. Yeeeeeah boi. Okay, I'll stop that.)
Who cares if a little boy decides his favourite color is hot pink? He has every right to do whatever the fuck he wants if his mom decides to let him. If he is straight, wanting to paint his toe nails won't change that. If he is gay, his mom not letting him paint his toe nails wouldn't change that. Your obedience or disobedience to various gender roles doesn't affect your sexuality, your abilities or your ambitions in life. For instance, here are some of the ways I don't conform to traditional gender roles:
-I am loud
-I am not afraid to interrupt people
-I hate talking about my feelings
-I don't fall in love with every guy I have sex with
Okay, so these are kinda shitty examples. But just because I don't follow these particular gender roles doesn't change my identity: female, cisgender, (mostly) heterosexual, loud, opinionated, ambitious, etc. I still am who I am. And this little kid will still be who he is, with or without hot pink toenails. God fucking forbid we let people be who they want to be, especially since it will literally affect nothing but their own happiness.
*Also, I think Keith Ablow just gave away more about his sex life than he intended.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
idk if id mentioned this yet i thnk i have but like you being there fucking saveddd me
i dont know what i wouldve done if you werent in oaxaca with me
so thank you
i know man
i think about that too
because at first I was like, wow, this is weird, cash and tara are kinda shitty to go out with
cause they got bfs
and i was like maybe i shouldn't have come
but then that shit went down
and i was so glad i did
it was so great having youthere
because i hated to think what would've happened if i hadn't been there
having like a woman stronger than me that was around
fucking helped like crazy
you have no idea
that's like the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me
i'm glad I am of use
and presumably a good friend
pshh trust me
im used to always being like the strong friend but when i wasnt for once
you were there
and i owe you big time girly
te amo nena
yo tambien te amooo
This song pretty much describes how I approach all my relationships.I'm overly independent and afraid of admitting that I need something I can't have.
Someday I will be a emotionally secure human being, I promise myself. Someday.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
*I don't actually understand what half those words mean, because I don't have a twitter but I'll take people's word that this is true.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"Forgot About Dre", Dr. Dre ft. Eminem
"La Camisa Negra", Juanes
"United State of Pop 2010 (Don't Stop the Pop)", DJ Earworm
"99 Problems", Jay-Z
"The Anthem", Pitbull
"Butterfly", Crazy Town
You know, weighty academic stuff. Helps you focus.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Why do I do this to myself?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
So Wendy and I have decided that we are going to go there and practice a lot this semester so that we will be surprisingly adequate at pool by the end of the semester. It's good to have goals, you know?