Sunday, December 11, 2011

Indecison 2011

I called my mom yesterday to get her opinion on whether or not I should go to Mexico City over winter break to do research. I wanted her to tell me no, that I should stay at home because it would be safer and my grandmother would worry less, stuff like that, because I don't really want to go anymore. The whole thing is just too nerve-wracking: I am convinced I won't get the documents or information I'll need and I will have wasted the scholarship money I got and they will make me return it or something equally awful and embarrassing.

But no, instead my mother just tells me, "You know I'd always like to see you more, but it's really up to you."

Oh, the perils of your parents actually trusting your judgement! I just want her to make my difficult decisions for me so I don't have to! Instead, she has done such a good job raising me that she actually thinks that I am a responsible adult and should be allowed to do what I think is best. What the fuck is that? I am 21 years old! I don't know anything! I don't even trust my own judgement! Why do you allow me to make decisions?

Growing up is scary.

1 comment:

  1. Your recent decisions all sound difficult. I think half the point of growing up is that it's scary (experience and living and learning and all that), but that doesn't make it any less stressful :(

    What sort of research are you hoping to do?