I had a wonderful spring break in Oakland, but as much as I enjoyed it,
there was a part of me that felt hollow. I wanted (wished? hoped?) it
would be just like college, but it wasn't. It was awesome and so much
fun, and I remembered why I had loved all my old friends so much, but no
matter how hard I tried, there was that miniscule little detail that was
not there and ruined the illusion. There was always that shadow of this
real life I have to go back to looming over my head. I talked to my
former boss at my tutoring job and she told me I should come back this
summer and teach Summer Bridge again, which now I really, really, really
want to do, and it's totally possible time-wise, plus it would give me a
nice supplemental income. Or is it just another excuse to try and
relive something that I can never recapture? Should I just let sleeping
dogs lie and move on with my life?
I don't want to think of the
Bay as a past life, because obviously I can easily move back there and
build a real, adult-type life. But is that really what am I doing? Or am
I futilely trying to grasp my romanticized memories of college?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is incredibly sad. I think this feeling is what scares me the most about change; it's so easy to rewrite the past, and missing it feels physically painful. And we can't go back, Slaughterhouse-Five quotes, Closing Time, etc. Growing up is terrifying. I sincerely hope you find an awesome place where you're happy soon, and I wish I had more life experience to offer. I feel lucky to be going into the college part of life, honestly.
ReplyDelete